Bittersweet Hate (Bittersweet #3) Read online

  “You feel so fucking good. Just like I always knew you would.” His grip and pace turns feverish. In seconds I find myself on that ledge, ready to teeter off into the oblivion. A blinding light forms behind my eyes as the wave of nirvana washes over us.

  His grip grows tighter as he pumps into me, pouring every last drop of his release into me. From this moment on, I know Corey will have a piece of my heart. No, if I’m being honest, he will own even more; as he has always owned a large portion. I’m his, whether I wanted to admit it or not.

  Our bodies are slick with sweat, and the euphoria we’re in has neither of us able to move from our current positions.

  “That was….”

  “Amazing, I know.” He mumbles into my hair, his breath tickling my neck. Okay, so all the talk about his skills in the bedroom weren’t a lie. I put my cheek against the wall allowing the coolness to relive my overheated skin.

  “That was fucking great Mimi.” He says pulling out of me and pinching my ass. That ever present asshole smirk remaining smugly on his face. I turn around glaring at him, as I pull my shirt down. A bottle of tequila, built up aggression and suddenly the lines between hate, and love are blurring.

  “What does this mean for us?” I ask curiously, not sure where things stand between us now. I don’t do the friends with benefits thing, and I don’t just randomly sleep with people. I feel my cheeks warm, knowing I may have just let him know more than needed. If I didn’t do the friends with benefits thing, then why the fuck did I just have sex with him. I’m stupid, so stupid.

  “What do you mean, what does it mean?” He looks at me confused by my revelation.

  “I’m not a fuck buddy Corey; you can’t fuck me and throw me away. I’m not one of your bimbo’s; I have feelings and I care about my heart getting broken.” Anger washes over me, with regret, and mistrust. How much fucking more complicated has this made an already complicated situation?

  “What we just did was amazing, but it cannot happen again Corey.” There’s a determination in my voice, and I refuse to let Corey get in my head, let alone my heart. The damage would be violently altering to my heart, and that’s just something I can never allow to happen. Corey is fucking material not love and there’s a difference.

  “You think I just want to fuck you, get it out of my system and move on?” There’s a look in his eyes, something that reaches deep down into the depths of my heart. It has my insides melting again, causing me to be ready for him yet again.

  By the time he speaks his voice is laced with pain, and when I look up at him I can’t help but drool a little bit. He’s still standing there in all his glory. His muscles well defined as my eyes drag over the ripples, and dips of his body. His hair is an unruly mess. As I watch him more carefully I see an emotion stirring within him that I have never seen before. His eyes are wild and hungry but at the same time caring, and passionate. He looks intense, and even though he just took me against the wall I’m ready for more.

  “That’s not what I think Corey, that’s what I know. You’re not the type to fuck them and love them. You’re the type to fuck ‘em and forget ‘em; hell I don’t think I’ve ever seen you fuck the same girl twice. “

  I allow myself one more look at him before I decide to turn away and that’s all it takes. He immediately advances on me, letting me know this conversation isn’t over. His approach is more powerful than before betraying his determination. He wrapped his arms tight around my waist, effectively ending my escape attempt.

  “What do you think you’re doing?” I ask unable to hide the wobble in my voice. He scares me, not in a physical sense but emotionally. He invokes such strong responses from me; sometimes I want to stab him in the eye and other times I want to fuck his brains out. I know he is dangerous to my heart.

  His hands land on my hips, as he smiles down on me. A playful grin that I know is anything but playful.

  “Is the only time you shut that pretty mouth of yours when I’m eight inches deep in you?” His fingers skim over my skin, causing my blood to boil, and an uproar of emotions run through me.

  I blush, and I never fucking blush. Corey’s dirty, and I like it; no, I love it. I want him again already, but I refuse to allow my body to take hold and make my decisions for me. When we allow the heart and body to make choices together we get fucked over, quite literally.

  “I will never let you go, Mimi. When you gave me that sweet pussy, and I sank deep into it, I knew there would never be another like you for me.” His hot breath and musky sex filled scent surrounds me.

  He turns me into his chest, his fingers gliding underneath my butt cheeks, pulling me into his growing erection. Every time he touches me the electricity flowing between us leaves me feeling as if I’m ready to combust. To let the flames of whatever is happening between us burn me, because as long as I get one last taste of him it’ll be worth the pain.

  I look in his eyes as he grabs my hand; he’s asking me without words if I’m ready for this. If I can handle him, ‘us’ and honestly I don’t think I can, but for tonight I will. I’ll hold on tight and let the flames lick at us, and take us on this emotional ride. I know I may regret it; hell I know I will, but I’ll deal with the fallout of all of this tomorrow. Right now I’ll revel in the feelings he stirring within me, and deal with the outcome of our regrets tomorrow.

  I let him pull me down the hall and into his bedroom. Confused I look around. “Why are we in your room?”

  He releases my hand and lays himself down on the bed. “Because you’re mine, and when I eat that pussy out, it’s going to be in this bed. So that when you’re gone, I can relish in your scent, and know that I put it here.” He pauses, his eyes glazing over as he looks me up in and down. It’s dark, but the moonlight filtering in through the window gives off enough light to tell me he’s a man on a mission. A sole purpose, to give me everything no man ever has.

  “I want you in this bed because when I wake up tomorrow and you’re not here, it’ll be the only way to tell that this wasn’t a dream.” His words are breaking down the wall my heart had so carefully built. After all the effort to construct this wall by placing brick by brick into place, I can’t believe it’s crumbling so quickly. I was crumbling. I was crumbling with needs, and desires I never wanted to acknowledge, as I didn’t know if Corey would ever be able to fulfill them.

  “You don’t need to take me in your bed to remember my scent. I’ve always been yours in some way.” My voice is fragile, just like my insides. I’ve never been this close with someone, At least not emotionally.

  He lays back, a smug smile on his face and for the first time that smile isn’t pissing me off. It’s making me crazy. He crooks his finger in my direction playfully signaling for me to straddle him

  I climb up on him hesitantly. Are we really doing this? Leaning down onto him my eyes catch on a tattoo on his chest. It’s a black tribal tattoo and I feel myself reaching out to trace the lines on his chest. I guess in the heat of the moment I wasn’t really looking at him. One of his hands reaches out taking hold of my hip, and holding me firmly into place over him. His throbbing cock is pressed between us, and at the sight of him I’m drooling. His other hand comes up, gripping me by the back of the neck bringing me down to his lips so he can take possession of me.

  “Let me own you, let me be the reason you eat, breathe, and sleep. Let me love you, and you’ll never have a worry in the world. Give yourself to me, and I’ll forever be yours.” His voice sings to me, calls to me. Holding up these walls is draining. Then let them down a little voice nags.

  “What if I let you in, and you break me, you hurt me. What if I eat, breathe, and sleep you, but you do not return the favor? What if I’ve loved you this whole time and you haven’t loved me.” We stare in awe at each other.

  “Don’t give up on us, before we have a chance Mimi. I want you, I’ve wanted you every day since the first time you opened that sassy ass mouth. You had me hard the moment you called me an asshole.” A small smile pul
ls on my lips. I know if I don’t take this chance, and dive in head first I won’t get another.

  “You’re all I need, baby, all I need.” He whispers into my ear, as I kiss a slow tortuous path down his neck and unto his chest. His hands search every part of my body unexplored by his eyes.

  Our sweat clad bodies, rub against one another’s. He takes my shirt off, and sucks my nipple into his mouth sending sparks of heat deep into my core. Letting out a loud groan, I grab his hair, tugging on the soft locks.

  His hand reaches into my hair, pulling it and holding me in place so that I can’t look anywhere but at him.

  “Break for me Mimi, give in to me.” He says to me as our eyes are locked, suddenly he rocks into me. I let out a gasp, the invasion of him into my body and heart causing an immediate explosion of sorts by the unexpected feelings of fullness filling me perfectly.

  His pace is deliciously slow, a trickle of sweat forms on his brow. It’s then that I realize he’s making love to me. He’s making me take down those walls so we can become one.

  “You’re strong baby, but I’m stronger. Let me carry the weight. Let me be the man you deserve.” His hold on my hair releases, and I lean back. He keeps his pace slow as he kneads my breast. He’s bringing me closer to the edge one glorious stroke at a time.

  “Fuck.” He grits out, unable to keep himself from plowing into me. It’s as if a switch has flipped within him. I feel his grasp on control slipping as he stakes his claim on me, the primal need in him urging him to go faster, and harder. As we lock eyes I think I see something that I’ve never seen before. With every slap of our skin, I take notice of the love in his eyes. It reflects back on the way his body takes over mine, leaving not one inch of me untouched. From the inside out, he has left his mark on me. From then on I take him for what it’s worth, loving every fucking second of it. With every moan, every slap of skin, every bite, scratch, and kiss the wall surrounding my heart crumbles just a little bit more .

  “Don’t ever let go Mimi, do you hear me. Never let go.” He whispers into my ear as we both reach our peaks. The world around me goes dark, I feel as if I’m on another realm. As if I’ve left my body and can see everything clearer.

  I collapse onto his chest as our breaths slowly ease out.

  “I love you.” He says. The air is sucked out of the room for me, as I lay there motionless. Did he just say the L word?

  I smile against his chest, my fingers lazily tracing his tattoo.

  “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I ever hurt you. I’m sorry, that we had to break each other to become one whole piece.” There’s sleepiness to his voice, calmness.

  “I’m not.” I say rolling off of him so I can look at him. He looks at me apparently shocked by my comment.

  “Sometimes things have to be broken down or destroyed to be rebuilt. Why do you think they burn dead grass? So that they can plant new grass, so that the new seed has a better chance at becoming a blade of grass.” There’s a moment of silence as I look over his well satisfied body. Thank you fucking lord for giving us this. “We’re a lot like blades of grass Corey. Sometimes we have to be burned to start off fresh. To plant new roots, so we can grow.”

  A rush of excitement shows on his face. “You’re right. We’re just like two little blades of grass blowing in the wind.” He’s laughing at me. I punch him in the arm and let out a growl.

  “I hate you.”

  “No you don’t. You love me.” His voice is faint as if he’s an angel speaking to me; either that or I’m falling asleep. Either way it sounds beautiful.

  I know Corey, I know. I love you.

  Same Old Same Old

  It’s been a week since we fucked like mating bunnies. Technically we’ve fucked like bunnies every night, but nothing has really changed. He still gets on my nerves to the point where I sometimes think about holding a pillow over his face at night while he’s sleeping. I throw my Jeep into park and check my phone just on time. Jenna asked me to meet her for coffee so here I am skipping class to fulfill my friend’s needs.

  I walk in and spot Jenna at the end table; she’s got her Kindle in one hand, and her coffee in the other. If I didn’t like dick, Jenna would be my go to gal. But since I love dick so much, well I guess besties will have to do.

  “What cha reading?” I ask, slipping my sunglasses off, and taking a seat directly in front of her. She lets out a scared yelp, glaring at me.

  “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph what the hell, you scared the shit out of me.” She says taking a drink of her coffee, as if it’s going to calm her erratic beating heart.

  I look to the ground like a smartass, “Nope, no shit.”

  “Not funny.” She growls. She’s glowing happy and content. I’ve never seen her this way, and it makes me smile. She deserves this so much more than anyone I know.

  “If you must know I’m reading some of my favorite smut.” Of course she is. Jenna may seem all young and naïve but she’s far from it. When I think of a book whore I see her.

  “That’s fantastic, but you called me down here to meet up with you. What’s going on?” She watches me coolly, not giving anything away.

  “I heard about you and Corey, when were you going to tell me, and are you okay?” I can’t tell if she’s asking me if I’m okay, because she’s concerned about me and Corey, or if it has something to do with Brody sending me text messages.

  “I mean lately, you’ve been more bitchy than usual, you’ve been kind of distant.” I let her finish her yacking before saying something. Once Jenna gets on something she doesn’t stop.

  “I’m fine, there’s nothing going on with Brody and me. I got a random text the other night, and I ignored it. He knows if he comes near me he’ll go back to jail.” She rolls her eyes at me, and it starts to seem like she does not believe anything that comes out of my mouth.

  “What about Corey, when were you going to tell me about that?” Her voice is full of hurt, and it feels as if I’m being accused of doing something wrong.

  “Things with Corey aren’t really any different than they have been. We had sex A LOT, but that’s it. He wants to commit to me and me to him, but I’ll believe it when I see it. As for not telling you, you’ve been so far up Rex’s ass I can’t tell where yours starts and his ends.” I’m not angry really, I’m not but to accuse me of withholding information about Corey and I when she hasn’t exactly been around kind of pisses me off a little bit.

  “You know this thing with you and Corey doesn’t bother me. He told me about his feelings for you already; I just want you to be happy. I want to protect you like you did me when I needed it.” I look up from the table, as my pissed off emotions go else-where.

  She wants to protect me like I protected her? Jenna needed protecting, I refused to let those boys in that town tear her apart; make her into some evil witch, being called names, and hurt so many times does something to you. You get angry; you become someone you’re not. Jenna’s too full of butterflies and sunshine to be like that. We definitely did not need to lose one more person like her in this world. There was perfection about her; someone like her was a rare jewel.

  “I’m here for you Mimi, just because I have Rex now doesn’t mean I’ve moved on. It doesn’t mean I still don’t want or need you as my friend.”

  “Oh stop, you’re so sensitive; of course I still want you as my friend. I love ya Jen, but sometimes I need to work my own shit out, in my own mind. They are my problems for a reason.” She looks at me, a flicker of compassion showing in her eyes.

  “Alright, well I have to go. Classes and all that crap, but call me and we can set something up to hangout soon.” Her words are rough, as if there’s a ragged edge that she wants to get out but refuses to say. I should stop her and talk to her about it, but I can’t. It’s not that our friendship is failing; it’s that, just like when I let her grow to fight her own battles she needs to do the same for me.

  ***

  Just as I settle into the couch, ready to write my paper for my w
omen’s health class the door opens and in walks a hot and sweaty Corey. He was either working out, or trying to kill himself, I’m not sure which, not that it really matters because here he is in all his glory. His smile shines down on me, as he continues to talk on the phone with someone. I turn back around, doing my best to ignore him as he moves about the house. It’s almost impossible though. When he’s not with me or around me I’m thinking about him and when he’s with me I want to be on him, touching him, looking at him.

  “Miss me?” He asks whispering into my hair while pushing the rest to the side so he can have access to my neck. His tongue skims against the sensitive part of my neck right below my ear. My heart beat picks up as the blood rushes to all the right areas of my body, or wrong depending upon if I want to get this paper done or not.

  A sudden sharp sting of pain, reminds me that I need to talk to him before he can get me out of my panties, which isn’t very hard for him to do.

  “Did you just bite me?” I question, my voice going in and out as he soothes the area with his tongue again the pain leaving like a distant memory.

  “I did… and I have a few more areas…” His teeth nip on my ear, and I let out a deep moan. “That, I plan on biting.” Something nags at the back of my mind, reminding me that there are more important things that we have to discuss now.

  “Wait…. Wait….” I say surprised to have found my voice.

  “Do you really want me to wait babe…” He mumbles against my skin. “Because honestly it doesn’t sound like you want me to wait.” He’s doing crazy things to me, making me think things I shouldn’t and he’s definitely making me feel things I’ve never felt.